Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
