there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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