Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
