____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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