I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My ATM looks so different sober.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
