he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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