were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
