Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
