i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
