Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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