Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
