My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
