Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
