I wish I could teleport
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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