This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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