Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
