Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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