i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want her autograph on my taint
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
