Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
