you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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