just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
