Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
