I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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