Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
