Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
