O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
