no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
