literally had 100 drinks last night.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
