i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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