Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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