you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
