you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
