sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
