I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We need to get me chipped asap
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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