I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
