I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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