You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
