i wish my penis had a tongue
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i think my cat just said my name.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
