I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want nice things and good sex
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
