I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
