So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
