This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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