If that was your dad, he is hot
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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