no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
