surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
