I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
