Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
