I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize