We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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