kristin has been a bad kristin
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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