By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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