I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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