She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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