She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
