is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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