I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
