Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
