Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was confusing and full of hummus
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
