take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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