Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
